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I'm in a perpetual phase of transition which doesn't seem to be phasing out.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Road Kill Hierarchy.

So I realized today while driving to community college that I have a bias towards particular animals in terms of how sad I feel when I see their corpses on the road.  I ALWAYS have to look at what kind of animal it is when I drive by it.  It's this weird, kind of sick thing that I feel all humans possess, we kind of secretly enjoy morbidity or "bad" things.  Maybe it's more of an interest, a nosiness, than a pleasure we get from it.  I mean the media knows it, we're not all that hard to figure out, us humans, bad news sells. We wear our fascination towards pain, so long as its inflicted on someone else, on our sleeves more so than we'd probably like. Yet it's fairly subversive to give the true reasons for why you crock your head to check out the severity of a car accident or to see what's going on with all the lighted cop cars and the cuffed man and the inspection of the open trunk of his vehicle.  I think it has a little to do with the same reasons we watch awful reality t.v. We want to be able to beef ourselves up, juxtapose our existences with other seemingly worse ones and think "Well at least I'm not that person." Or maybe we really are just all morbidly nosey and intrigued by the horrific elements in life, that could happen to anyone, but didn't happen to us.

Anyway today while en route to community college I got a good look at the carcus of a groundhog.  Geez! I dunno what I'd do if I hit a freaking groundhog, the cute little fur ball of a thing, that might destroy laboriously put together gardens, but is so ridiculously cute nonetheless.  We have a whole holiday for the gosh darn adorable creature for heaven's sake! They're important, their shadows presage how much more cold we'll have to bare (god I sound like such a glass half empty kind of a spirit...okay, much longer we have until the gorgeous spring arrives and the flowers bloom and the sun warms our skin so beautifully) I always look at the faces of the dead creatures...sometimes the face isn't really there anymore, which is sad, but worse is when it is still in tact and Mr. Death, the best damn chess player there is (had to watch "the seventh seal" for a medieval humanities course, and actually really, really, really loved it) froze a terrible last breath expression. The groundhog's face was turned away from me in its positioning on the road, which was probaly a good thing, considering it was in the morning and I heard somewhere that the earliest parts of your day will affect your whole aura or mood or outlook or whatever for the remaining parts of it.  (Actually what I really heard was that the way your room looks when you wake up will affect your whole day.  I'm messy though, and don't want to change that about myself, so I'm going to say the hour or so before coffee kicks in counts, no matter how far away you are from the enviroment where you slowly forced yourself out of a prostrate position.  Plus the guy who fed me that little tidbit also liked to take pictures of me with a disposable camera which had a harsh flash when I was angry at him.  He wanted to capture my emotions to prove to me I'd find them amusing later when I wasn't upset.  If there is a high school aged reader out there, please refrain from dating artsy, dark, singer-songwriter, composition notebook carrying college boys. They aren't that cool, I promise. And they aren't good at writing, really, give his stuff a good perusing. You're probaly smarter and don't veil yourself with an arrogant ignorance towards your inability to know everything there is to know before age 20. Me?Bitter? ha no, I've just learned a lot in a very short amount of time from making dumb decisions.) Anyway when I saw the cute, pudgy, furry rodent laying there, lifeless, I yelled out "What the hell is happening to this world!?!?!?!!" (in my car with the windows up of course) I don't feel as much of a reaction when I see squirrels or oppossoms.  Squirrels have a high populous 'round deez parts, and oppossoms always die with a menacing, ridiculing, pointed tooth and pointed mouth smile.  As if they're laughing at us humans and our metal boxes we ride around in.  As if they really beat us to the finish line, with a lot less petty complications. Or maybe they are janists and know we'll experience consequences for the masupicide.  (Possoms are the only marsupials on the American continents I do believe. Oh it pangs me to think people don't believe that the continents are like a big 'ol broken up jogsaw puzzle.  When I was around 14 or so My church youth group and I watched this very persuasive series of videos by this Floridian minister who was trying to convince people that evolution wasn't real.  For a chunk of my life I didn't believe in evolution, I was a "creationist" or maybe just a kid who wanted to fit in with the cool kids in my church youth group, I don't know.  Either way I was easily suaded. I still suffer from memories of 9th grade biology class when this kid Alex Gratzek made me cry for belittling my creationist beliefs.  How silly I was. The next year I stopped going to church and also kind of lost my mind. oh the joys of high school and that whole development of the frontal lobe crap I think I learned about in a psycology class once. I'm not a total cynic, oh reader, I totally think that being a Christian and still supporting evolution is completely possible, but that church I went to was a weird place where women had no voice and the preacher dedicated his sermon one year around election time to suade the audience to vote for Dubya.  I was confused about it all and my mind was in torment, and I had to leave.) Well I felt sad about the groundhog, and roads and chopped down trees and cars and people and litter and civilization getting out of hand and gray concrete and all that business. 

R.I.P. Murray.  Yep I named the groundhog after Bill Murray.  I sort of like that cheezy movie Groundhog Day.  The actress who plays his love interest, Andy McDowell, lives in Asheville. She was in line behind me at Whole Foods the other day.  I felt soooo nervous for some reason.  She's the pretty brown haired forty something lady that is the face of loreal I believe. Should've given her my blog address.  just kidding...kind of.