About Me

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I'm in a perpetual phase of transition which doesn't seem to be phasing out.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Recreation of some wall jottings I saw in a coffee shop bathroom

I thought it was an interesting little era-defining tid-bit...a whole new digital age spin on "God is dead."

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Thoughts on my jaded cowardice and the American Dream.

So I've been thinking a lot about the American identity lately. How we don't really have one, so we've sort of invented one, or I guess unconsciously assumed one. What I've observed that Americans seem to have in common, or at least what seems to be a theme in the mass conceptualization of "the American", is a strive for success whatever the cost, and an extreme anxiety/ paranoia about pretty much everything. I realize I'm not exactly saying anything new here, everyone knows Americans are obsessed with the green and scared shitless of germs, terrorists and the basic uncertainty inherent in everything. We feel that our roots are in quicksand and we either obsessively move forward and far away or get stuck mentally, physically and emotionally in whatever our situations are/have been.

I've felt pretty damn stuck for a while and have blamed it on an array of things such as the economy, my antiquated skill-set and my apathy/ distaste for the way the world is. I've always rebelled against conformity to the bullshit by essentially doing not much of anything, but lately I've just felt like I need to suck it up and make some freakin' money and be able to pay rent AND go out to dinner sometimes. That's what we call maturity here in America. Taking the plunge. I'm selling out, ya'll.

A friend of mine who is in her fifties recently said to me "You're too young to be so cynical." She's probably right.

Saturday, January 4, 2014


I haven't read significant chunks of any of those books. I just want people to think I read a lot. 

This is gonna be my year, goddamnit!

I don't pay much attention to calendars, half the time I don't even know what month we're in, but I'm pretty sure 2013 was a shit show. I'm not implying heavy drug use with the "pretty sure", I wish that had been the issue. The sentiment I attach to the recent past is pretty terrible, though the details are fading quickly.

The causal relations of things in my life aren't as random and meaningless as the backdrop of nature's course, but I stuff significance away in some pocket in a pair of pants I never wear only to find a reminder, like a photograph or artifact from the past, and feel overwhelmed with the rawness I so arrogantly proclaim to constantly embrace. 

But fuck yes 2014, I'm excited about you. This optimism about the future is freaking me out.

I think resolutions are just a set-up for failure, but if I was going to try to work on things, this is what I'd do:
(some of these clearly contradict each other, which is leading me to further ponder a question someone asked me in a very serious tone yesterday: "Be real with me, are you clinically insane or just really strange? I need to know.")

-Figure out how to not be so damn neurotic/ controlled by my out-of-control emotions, I'm getting too old for this shit.
-Start believing in God, because according to some people, he believes in me.
-Have more sex.
-Call my schizophrenic aunt more before she dies so I don't have to feel guilty about not calling later.
-Sleep wayyyy less.
-Delete my Okcupid account permanently. No more of this de/re-activate shit. 
-Stop bragging to people about how I'm one of the only people left in the world without a smart phone. It's a dumb thing to say. I think I'm so cool. And I'm constantly text messaging on my dumb phone.
      -consider getting a smartphone, I've heard they're very useful.
-Start saying 'yes' more when my sister asks me to work out.
-Look for 'real' jobs
-Learn another language to feel better about myself, since every fucker on the planet seems to be at least quad-lingual nowadays
-Stop comparing myself to more successful people. 
       -Stop thinking that "how do you really measure success anyway?" is just a bull-shit cliche and be more okay with the fact that I'm actually not unhappy (double negative intended). 
-Eat more vegetables
-Stop blowing off rich dudes because they're boring. aka, find me a sugar daddy.
-Go out more/ drink more
-Read less philosophy
-Watch more t.v.

-Buy a magnet that says something like "live, love, laugh" or "learn to dance in the rain" and believe that shit. 

I did the broken 'brella move on some guy during a one night stand once. He blew up my phone for months after that. I was all like "leave me the fuck alone, dude." 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


Just an MS paint masterpiece my friend Joshua and I made.