This is gonna be my year, goddamnit!

I don't pay much attention to calendars, half the time I don't even know what month we're in, but I'm pretty sure 2013 was a shit show. I'm not implying heavy drug use with the "pretty sure", I wish that had been the issue. The sentiment I attach to the recent past is pretty terrible, though the details are fading quickly.

The causal relations of things in my life aren't as random and meaningless as the backdrop of nature's course, but I stuff significance away in some pocket in a pair of pants I never wear only to find a reminder, like a photograph or artifact from the past, and feel overwhelmed with the rawness I so arrogantly proclaim to constantly embrace. 

But fuck yes 2014, I'm excited about you. This optimism about the future is freaking me out.

I think resolutions are just a set-up for failure, but if I was going to try to work on things, this is what I'd do:
(some of these clearly contradict each other, which is leading me to further ponder a question someone asked me in a very serious tone yesterday: "Be real with me, are you clinically insane or just really strange? I need to know.")

-Figure out how to not be so damn neurotic/ controlled by my out-of-control emotions, I'm getting too old for this shit.

-Start believing in God, because according to some people, he believes in me.
-Have more sex.

-Call my schizophrenic aunt more before she dies so I don't have to feel guilty about not calling later.

-Sleep wayyyy less.
-Delete my Okcupid account permanently. No more of this de/re-activate shit. 
-Stop bragging to people about how I'm one of the only people left in the world without a smart phone. It's a dumb thing to say. I think I'm so cool. And I'm constantly text messaging on my dumb phone.
      -consider getting a smartphone, I've heard they're very useful.
-Start saying 'yes' more when my sister asks me to work out.

-Look for 'real' jobs

-Learn another language to feel better about myself, since every fucker on the planet seems to be at least quad-lingual nowadays

-Stop comparing myself to more successful people. 

       -Stop thinking that "how do you really measure success anyway?" is just a bull-shit cliche and be more okay with the fact that I'm actually not unhappy (double negative intended). 

-Eat more vegetables

-Stop blowing off rich dudes because they're boring. aka, find me a sugar daddy.

-Go out more/ drink more

-Read less philosophy

-Watch more t.v.


-Buy a magnet that says something like "live, love, laugh" or "learn to dance in the rain" and believe that shit. 

I did the broken 'brella move on some guy during a one night stand once. He blew up my phone for months after that. I was all like "leave me the fuck alone, dude."