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I'm in a perpetual phase of transition which doesn't seem to be phasing out.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Drive-Thru Blankets

I drove to Asheville this morning for the grand finale of my apartment clean-out. Now I'm back in Greensboro.  I felt pretty weird and sad all day.  This morning I felt especially melancholy.  It wasn't really a bad sort of melancholy, actually it felt kind of good, oddly comforting.  A numb sort of sad. 

As I drove out of Greensboro I turned on the radio to the college station that I like, hoping it wouldn't fade away too quickly.  When I tuned in, one of my favorite songs had just started playing, Kurt Vile's "Smoke Ring for My Halo." It worked perfectly as a soundtrack for my vacuously pensive sort of mood.  The sky was a complete blanket of light gray.  An omnipresent cloud.  And the morning air felt brisk. It was the first cool day of the season. I felt exactly like the climate.  We were one...and this song was the backdrop.  I wrapped myself in that cloud and felt completely immersed in this song and the sky. Hopefully my driving wasn't dangerous, I wasn't really paying attention to it.

The subsequent song was a total buzz kill, so I hit the scan button. The next station was playing Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It?"  I completely abandoned my melancholy for a joyous relief of frustration, i.e. I belted out this song with Tina until my throat hurt.  Did I mention I reallllly can't sing?

God that felt good. My moods seem so chaotic when juxtaposed next to each other, yet the sentiment behind all of them is continual, unceasing.  I just haven't quite grasped what my general sentiment is.  I probably wouldn't be so moody if I could figure that out.