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I'm in a perpetual phase of transition which doesn't seem to be phasing out.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Anti Offspring Rants and Baby Onesies Producing Paradoxes...and also Milky-Way Monk Heroes

Well my posting has clearly declined substantially in recent weeks.  I've been in a consistently weird, unsettling, anxious and fairly grumpy state of mind for a good while now.  Slowly coming out of the depressive side of it, thank goodness.  I've been questioning the way I think about things and the things that I think about a good bit, but I haven't taken my thoughts much further than questioning, so that it feel like I'm not really thinking much at all, or at least not coming up with any new thoughts. I haven't written on here in a while mainly due to the fact that A.) I've been so caught up in my own bubble that I haven't taken much note of my surroundings, nor have I analyzed them enough to find any mateiral for writing. B.) I've been doing watercolor and ink drawings that I want to somehow digitize onto baby onezies.

I see babies everywhere. People are still having kids.  I find that really odd.  Adopting seems fine and rational...but actually bringing more children into this world? why? guess I'm a radical and I often forget that other people don't see things the way I do...then I see little munchkins running around that are the spinning image of their parents and I remember that I'm an eccentric....oh a complete misanthrope disguised as someone that really likes everybody.

So hmmm...
Well my last day at the bakery was yesterday. Technically I'm going to be "fill-in" worker from time to time, but essentially I no longer work there.  I got burnt out doing service industry stuff.  I'm loving getting back into art and reading.  I'm on a philosophy kick right now.  I should probably stop spending money on books. gah. i'm practically unemployed.

I have a phone interview for a college library in coastal Maryland tomorrow.  I might be moving to the coast if it goes well, to a town with a population a little over 1,000.  I think it could be really interesting.  I hope I get it. I really hope I get. I really, really, really hope I get it. Please have me in your thoughts, or prayers or sage burnings or whatever it is that you do.  thanks.

Yesterday a sixty something, highly unkempt, unaturally scrawny, red suspender wearing regular customer at the bakery told me that he had been unbearbly sad the other night and couldn't figure out why.  He kept analyzing it and trying to put a finger on exactly what was causing this overwhelming depression.  He then thought back to an earlier conversation he had with me at the cafe.  I had been joking with him and said "You're STILLhere?" (he had been there playing chess on the internet all day, which he does everyday) "You know, Mark, if you came in maybe once a week...I'd be a lot happier to see you."  I was completely kidding, we mess with each other all the time....but I guess I just took it a bit far.  So the night after I said all that was the night that he felt awful and he was trying to figure out if it was because of what I had said.  He emphasized that he understood that I was just playing around and was not being sincere, but he still somehow felt saddened, and wasn't even positive it was rooted in my words.  He then explained to me that he has trouble interpreting things, that he's a genius in some realms but struggles with things like emotions.  He told me that it's because he has aspergers, a mild form of autism, and that you really have to be careful with what you say to him.  Gahhh. I felt like shit. Absolute shit.  So now I'm going to illustrate the cover of his bizarre spirtual/ sci-fi book he's writing. He sent me his ideas for the cover, along witht he first chapter of his book.  I'm going to be drawing a spiral galaxy with various religious symbols being sucked into it, which represents the different spiritual warriors characters traveling through time to save a five-year old girl who was abducted by some evil guy.

maybe i'll post the final product on here....I don't have a copyright on my art or anything so I'm scared to post on here.  Hopefully one day I'll sort all that out. The drawings are kinda quirky and fun.