Applying for jobs is the worst. The vast majority of young Americans, and older Americans too for that matter, can agree with me on that. There are steps to applying for a position. I don’t mean in the sense that I follow some bullshit list of guidelines that I picked up at my college’s career center, though I did do that after just one too many badgering phone calls from my mother...
“Alright, Alright, I’ll go to the goddamn career center.”
“Don’t say G.D., Emily, you know that upsets me.”
“Fine. I will go to the G.D. career center.”
Boy did that help. The lady basically told me, (not in so many words, and of course this is emotionally exaggerated due to my utter post-graduate despair) that I was useless to society and should just stay in school. Then she handed me some b.s. printed on colorful paper that I found crusty and wrinkled in the trunk of my car a year later and threw away without ever perusing.
Anyway, I have steps. Not some sort of standard procedure I wrote for myself on a series of sticky notes and then pasted on my fridge to irritate myself enough to apply for jobs. Nope, it’s just basically a pattern I follow each and every time. The first step consists of being totally consumed and hindered by the initial feelings of dred, helplessness, doubt, avoidance and the uninhibited act of procrastination which generally consists of refreshing Facebook every 30 to 90 seconds to see if I have any red shit at the top. Then I go to links of memes and youtube videos; laugh hysterically, sob violently, and have feelings of overwhelming fatalism due to the beliefs of the Republican party displayed in big text in front of unflattering photos of President Obama.
Then I think about how small and unimportant I am, which coincidentally reminds me that I’m supposed to be applying for a job, which chances are I won’t get. This is a bad attitude. I know it is. And I think about my shitty attitude and feel even shittier, and nope, I don’t ever get to a place where I feel a renewed sense of personal strength and want to prove myself wrong. Which would probably make my job applications way, way better.