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I'm in a perpetual phase of transition which doesn't seem to be phasing out.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

A Few Marital Observations by a Never-Wed Spinster.

A car pulled up to the entrance of the park, like so many other hundreds of cars tend to do. No difference at all. Nobody is ever different here, at least they don't appear to be at the day's end, which is the only part of the day I remember, because it's the end of the day right now. All is a blur. Except for maybe the ones that say something exceedingly outlandish. But that's rare. The jokes and comments are always the same. It's comical really. But not because anything is ever funny.

The car pulled up. I remember this one because the driver's credit card receipt signature looked almost identical to mine. Its swoops were inscrutably similar. And it freaked me out.  

When the car got to the window I watched a heart that looked like white icing disappear into the car door as the driver rolled down the window. As he did this I looked towards the back windshield of the car. "Just Married". Thought so.

Then I looked into the car and in the brief split second before I said hello, I glanced at both of them. They were young, very young. Like nineteen or something. Probably couldn't even legally buy a drink yet.

They were both dark haired and tan and exactly equal in their physical attractiveness. I'd give them about a 7.8 if my recollection serves me well. Pretty solid. They almost looked like brother and sister really. Funny how often that seems to be the case in the endless demographics I amateurishly study all day.  I'm becoming an expert intaker of this data really. Or maybe just a racist with no racial preference. But I'm white so that sounds like bull-shit.

Some say marriage is a dying institution. I see no sign of that. Maybe that's because I live in the South. Maybe it's not.

I was super friendly to these visitors, and greeted them with an "Oh ya'll are newly weds! Congratulations!" Sometimes I get excited for other people about things unrelated to myself. Which happens more often than I would ever expect.

They looked happy, really happy.

Well of course they did! They were on their honeymoon. 

I wanted to say something like "savor these moments". As if I know a damn thing about the stages of married life. I guess I feel like I kind of do. Which has no real empirical grounding outside of observing other peoples' marriages and watching reality t.v. (which everyone knows isn't reality).


I remember another couple too from a few days back. An elderly couple. The man was an overweight white guy who was not aging well. The woman was Asian and was much more attractive than he.  They were probably not too far apart in age.

The reason these folks stick out in my mind is because they wore the exact same facial expression. They say married people start to look alike overtime. These were two folks whose facial expressions were fully dissimilar but they resembled each other regardless. They both wore this almost clownish frown that accentuated their jowls. The corners of their eyes kind of sank down into their cheeks and they looked mutually miserable. In that way that some older couples look who tolerate each other and will never leave the other. Who go everywhere together and kind of hate each other but would never even consider being unfaithful.

I made up a story about them in my head. How back in the early eighties he found her through a mail order bride service based somewhere in Southeast Asia. And somehow this arranged marriage worked and not at all because they were compatible.

I always cry at weddings.
Every fucking time.
Like clock-work,
They say their vows
and I'm a hot mess.
Even if the vows suck.
I think it's because in the moment
They really mean it;
They'll love each other 'til the end.
(Even if later it's not the case,
But that's later, and not then
And doesn't matter until it does)
And its sweet because they really do mean it
And sad because I don't have that
And funny because I don't want it,
And awful because I do,
And worse because I think it's bull shit.

And worst because I don't.